once again
im face to face with myself.

is there a change?
there must be a change.
i want a change.

i dont want a re-paper.
i dont want to drop a h2.
i dont want to retain.


why can i never stop even after saying 'never'?
i really want to change so many things in my life.

why must i be the mood setter?
marcus said that being a mood setter is a gift.
is it?
it is if you're able to be 100% happy 100% of the time.
it isnt if you're burdened by all the shit all the time,
not being able to change or evade it.

must i really satisfice to gain profit?
is it a must to fit in?

sometimes i really feel like just getting out of this world.
'emo kid', so they say.
maybe im a loser who wants to run away.
a loser who cant face the world,
who cant face his present self,
who lost his past self.

its a dumb internal struggle.
fighting with yourself just to get the job done.

'when you're high, others are high with you'
'when you are sad, others will feel sad too'

in this point,
'others' seem like a really good role to be in.

ah shit what am i doing.
just running away from life again.


stupid shit.
why must everything be so hard to see,
to intepret,
to do,
to stay,
to be,
to smile.


the rollercoaster ride's coming again.
will i choose to stay up or down?
or am i not given a choice.

can i hug you back?