what do i study for?

a better future for myself?

not really.

99% of the reason i study is to make you,

my parents,

happy.

what happened today?

lets start from last night.

slept at 1am.

why?

cca ended 8pm,

study and eat dinner with sikai until 9+.

reach home 10pm.

still need to do work,

read lecture notes,

study.

woke up 640.

tired.

go school.

attend every lecture and tutorial.

remedial.

end school at 5pm.

did you know?

nobody takes attendance for lectures.

it would be so easy for me to skip and just sleep somewhere.

but it would only screw up my results more.

and that would make you all more pissed.

dead tired.

come home,

sis wants me to bring my violin down to teach her friend.

okay,

brought down but didnt teach.

nevermind.

a family hangs out with each other just for the sake of being there.

620pm

needed to nap before dinner so that i can do my homework.

already expected to sleep late.

740pm

woke up to dad shouting.

went to the door,

he shouted and pushed me back.

'you think you're a prince? people call you you dont want to wake up?'

'if you dont want to eat then next time dont cook your dinner.'

'rebellious.'

i have never expected any sort of nice words to come from you,

and i never will.

but i hope you understand the magnitude of what you're saying.

since when did i rebel?

if i really rebelled,

i wouldnt come home to get shouted at.

i wouldnt go to school,

i wouldnt study.

i wouldnt wake up every weekend morning 8am to go to the market with you all.

if by calling me 'rebellious' you mean 'not listening to you',

i only can say this:

i am human.

i am not a dog.

i make mistakes.

i can only apologise.

i am sorry if i cannot meet up to your expectations.

but i am trying.

i only hope you understand what im going through as someone living in this household, studying in VJC.

i dont wish for any good praises or anything.

i just dont want rash outbursts and distrust to be the fall of this family.