splitpassion

2012-01-27T23:50:00.001+08:00

if it's not meant to be,
it's not meant to be.

gotta keep looking forward and dont look back.
no regrets....... no i take that back.

2012-01-26T02:21:00.001+08:00

giddy.
hope i dont fall sick anytime soo.. anytime.

die le got lesson on friday.

2012-01-24T20:38:00.001+08:00

CNY,
the period of angbaos and reunion,
of supposed happiness and contentment,
joy of bonding between relatives.

but its also the period where my dad bosses around the most,
tries to show off the most and throws his temper the most.

the period isnt over yet.

2012-01-22T22:02:00.001+08:00

i miss the times when cny was a joyful event to be present in;
where we all cheered to the night, laughed and smiled.

things are crumbling and things are crumbling hard.
with every high there must be a low.

'happy' cny

2012-01-22T02:45:00.001+08:00

life just sucks like that.
suck thumb.

'you must consider the path of least regret'

once you start breaking records, there's no record left to defend.

2012-01-21T02:03:00.000+08:00

emo post coming up.

“Don't search for a man that will solve all your problems, he won't. Find one that won't let you face them alone'

fuck this shit.

sick of trying for people.
im sick of trying to initiate things to maintain friendship.
tired of being the giving end.

dont promise what you cant give,
dont ask what you dont want,
dont ask if you are incapable of delivering.

some things just proved that these friends are no more than convenience.

maybe this is a glimpse of the real world.
a fucking self centered place.
borrowing the words of an advice from a game,
dont trust anybody but yourself.

this is not to say i didnt enjoy the 3d2n 3B chalet.
i enjoyed it to the max.
really cherish these people even though i wasnt the giving end during j2.
werewolf, swimming, hanging out, talking.
guess you could say that the most significant thing to me was the chatting with them.

then again it cant be said that even if i was the giving end things would have turned out for the better.

im ready to stop following some blogs that i shouldnt have started following in the first place,
ready to stop feeling close to certain people that i might have regretted befriending.
and once that happens,
there's no turning back.
well at least not at all easily.

yh today spoke of a concept that i could relate to.
that when you have something to fight for,
you can and will do your best to do it.
that everything you do is under a hidden motive to maintain a certain record of yourself,
to fit in society's paradigm.

but once a record is broken,
broken again,
there will be a point where you will not care about that record anymore.
that you will ignore what society feels about that record,
you will ignore how society looks at you.

so if what you are fighting for is not at all related and concerned by a certain record you keep,
why bother keeping it?

the world is self centered like this.

i cant keep my head high nor put a smile with these shitty thoughts hanging in my head,
but i always can fall asleep so i guess its a blessing.

2012-01-18T01:22:00.001+08:00

i should refrain from posting shitty stuff here.

anyway violin lesson today was great.
doc complemented me for practicing well.
but friday might be a disappointment cause no time to prac. nvm hope for the best.

life goes on

2012-01-15T19:45:00.000+08:00

from tumblr.

2012-01-15T01:59:00.001+08:00

back to my life,

these few days were quite fun,
i practiced quite a bit,
bbqed today with some 4j peeps.
pissed because neither hsu nor koh could make it / were allowed to make it.
seriously.
who gives a stupid excuse like 'no space for ashley.'
doh.

went to evan's house on friday the 13th and swam 20 laps like a boss.
tiring sia.

dilemma.
3 choices: the rational, the comfortable, the want.

anyway,
simple things are the way to go.

2012-01-14T02:27:00.001+08:00

"even when i tried to give up, even when i tried to concentrate on other things, for some reason, i just end up thinking about her. to the extent that i've become wretched, to the extent that i hate myself, i love her. but, i think, i'm horrible."

"that sometimes, when i think about me and her, i'll think about the lifelong happiness that she brings, and the lifelong curse that i'll bring to her, that i'll disappointment her so much."

decided that i'll let go some people.
simply because they're not worth my time to constantly think about, putting it simply.
sometimes i wonder that it was just convenience sake that allowed some friendships to last.
i will work hard for my success and i will not stop.

sometimes my life feels like a drama.
sometimes ah.

2012-01-12T22:19:00.003+08:00

hang on guys.
free hugs by me anytime (anytime im free and ur free, and that's pretty hard to find in january.)
<3
and please do talk to me about it!
im totally willing to lend a listening ear and help out wherever i can.

"I dunno when I will ever get a girlfriend.

I don't need to get a girlfriend. I just want someone who is there to be with the entire time. To just sit and stone somewhere even when time is just aimlessly passing by... Woah. What must I do to feel that way.

Sian of being single. I've been single for 18 years."

"Maybe it's a periodic thing, like everyone goes through this phase and everyone would experience this sometime in their life, but sometimes it's really overboard. Beating yourself lower just because the world is piling on you doesn't pull you through a thing. Saying you hate your life and whatever is happening to you isn't gonna help you solve anything, it isn't gonna give you a mood boost, it isn't gonna let you gain respect from people. "Oh wow you're going through some tough times." Not going to happen. It might gain you some sympathy but that's that. It's fine to be down, it's fine to feel tired, it's fine to want to throw everything down; but it's not fine to throw your feelings around or give up."

"Things are progressively changing. The complete fusion of space and time dictates that we live in infinite time-frames that consistently decay and give way for new frames to emerge. Our lives are shortening, (and I like this phrase) we are at the youngest point of our lives now. So live it to the fullest. Come to think of it, it's like every second I feel different- my cells inside me live and die, I'm completely different every nanosecond.

It's just the memories in my amazing network of neural cells reminding me of who I am and where I belong in this society. But even nerve cells die (although some live a lifetime), the neural networks decay and are rebuilt with some errors, and many other conditions that make our memories all twisted when we grow up. Many memories just become left in the corner of the brain, probably in our "Recycle Bin". Some of them are left on the "Desktop", constantly appearing because we still remember these vivid events. Some are left in clearly labelled folders, waiting for a trigger like a place, person, song or whatever to open that memory again.

However, when we die, all these "memory files" just die with us. Perhaps looking back at these archives make us proud of ourselves as an individual, or perhaps it brings back disgusting, horrible deeds and memories that we have left behind. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are no regrets to be made in life, you need to live your life to the fullest. Like- do everything that you REALLY want to do, and not commit any grievous crimes, not make any wrong mistakes, not letting yourself and your loved ones down. Because while we don't fully comprehend why we are here in this world, and we often waste all these entities of time and space away because we think that we are immortal and won't die- like how I languish and rant about my decaying life, I think I still need to move on with my life no matter how shitty it gets.

I mean- I got dealt a pretty bad set of cards aka circumstances (check out my old blog post about happiness), it's like 2 2 3 4 5, while others get lots of Aces, Kings, Queens and Jacks. Or perhaps I didn't get a bad set of cards when I was born, I just acquired more horrible cards later on- while others lived a relatively better life. Yes I say relatively, who knows? I wonder who feels as miserable as me sometimes, even if they are smart, popular, handsome, buff, talented in whatever there can be in this world and so on. It's really queer that we must compare with others in this competitive society, and in all these years that I have been living, breathing, writing this blog, I have probably committed this grievous mistake and found no peace and serenity in my life trying to acheive a idealistic life bench-marked by the seemingly happiest person I believed to be.

Then again , I might have gave myself these horrible set of cards halfway through, I handled them really poorly. If life is one big poker/liar game (good manga!), I must have revealed my cards and made myself really miserable, because people just trampled upon me. And with this horrible circumstances upon myself, I didn't bother to improve myself and climb out of this vicious cycle. Or perhaps I didn't learn to be content with the cards I have obtained.

I was also thinking possibly that karma possibly turned against me. I have committed lots of horrible deeds in my life, I have. I justify myself by telling myself that others have also done so, and it's a real cruel world, so I don't care. But I guess it all just came back to myself- all my evil deeds, all my selfishness, my ignorance, my flawed personality that made me a loner as I am now and often dissatisfied about my life. However deep in my mind, I'm quick to point out that others have also done horrible things and left unpunished. I guess life is just unfair. Relatively when compared to better people. I wonder how low can I drop in my dreadful life.

I just hope that all these is over before I go into army - so that I can start a new life (aka clicking the refresh button) and find many many new friends that understand me. I also want to leave my shell of shyness, loneliness and etc. and be a more open, honest, brave and loving person towards others. This is a hardened shell that I can't climb out of- a shell created by others who see me as what I am. Unfortunately, I often put up a false front to be as mainstream as possible, and to commit as little offensive actions as possible towards others. However, I believe I'm a butterfly hidden in this cocoon, waiting to reveal itself when the time comes and people truly appreciate me instead of neglecting me sometimes. Hopefully this positive energy will resonate with others and that I might find better companionship as many have had now and also a sense of tranquility deep in my soul. We'll see how it goes."

"getting into relationships change people. the general feeling i get is that the person becomes a lot more confident and secure.

with some people it's a good thing. like i have friends who opened up much more and were less prone to bouts of awkwardness.

then with other friends it becomes shitty. because in their new found confidence they become more reckless in what they say, offend people more easily, and the worst, they start to disregard their friends.

it's a change that's very saddening to see. and now i'm just so pissed cos i just feel severely under prioritised because the whole thing has degraded to the point where there is no reciprocation at all to the commitment i give to my friendship. feeling like a lesser friend isn't that bad. i feel like some slave now."

"//And I don't see the point in falling in love with someone cos you think they are pretty/handsome, because the feeling's not going to remain that forever. It's something you got to nurture and give it time to blossom, that's why i don't believe in love at first sight. Sometimes I feel a little grown out of this love experience, maybe I'm tired or I'm just comfortable with everyone being friends at the moment. Cos I just can't see myself being in a relationship with anyone in the near future - and not having the financial means to sustain one definitely. "

2012-01-12T01:32:00.001+08:00

patience is a virtue.
we should all focus on the task at hand.
tweety bird.

2012-01-11T01:07:00.001+08:00

just felt the need to post this from tumblr.

Let me give you some advice.

jlynz:

Losing your virginity: Lose it to someone who you truly trust, or someone you completely in awe love. If not, then don’t do it or you’ll regret it.
Masturbating: Its completely normal, you don’t need to be embarrassed or anything, everyone does it. Its a great stress reliever too.
Getting over someone:
Cry, but only to a limit.
Do not stay home, if you’re home then you’ll most likely be alone. You need to go out with friends or family.
Do you, you were fine before that person came along. And you can learn from them, know what not to do for the next. Let you be free for your own self.
Insecurity:
Stop giving a fuck about what others think.
You have two options if you feel that low of yourself:
Either you fucking accept your flaws and be proud of them.
Or you change, not for the acceptance of others but because you feel good about yourself.
Chasing after someone: If you want to be with them, then show them that they’re worth it and you are too. But first, try being their friend first. But I advise you to do is tell them straight up you like them first but don’t say you want to be in a relationship right away. Try to get to know them first but as a friend, to let them you’re still going to be there as a friend but still let them be attracted to you at the same time. So what I’m basically saying is try to get to know them and let them fall for you without accidentally getting into the friendzone.
Making friends: Just be you. Don’t be friends with bitches for the wrong reasons. Just be you and people who truly accept you will befriend you.
Flirting, homewrecking, cheating: Do not homewreck someone’s relationship. You will find love in someone who will completely love you back. Don’t wreck another’s love. Cheating, if you want to cheat, then face the consequences. Just stay single if you want to flirt like crazy, don’t hurt someone because of your recklessness. If you flirt, make sure you don’t lead someone on, cause thats a bitch ass move.
Finding someone: I know its a bitch waiting, but you’ll find someone, be patient. Don’t get into a relationship because you’re lonely. Just wait and they’ll come.
Too cool for school: Trust me, you ain’t going to be all that when you flippin burgers at a fast food restaurant.
Yolo: You only live once, so take chances. It might gain some or lose some, but at least you tried. Live a little, take risks.
Procrastination: It’s a bitch. LOL

(Source: dianabaabe)

2012-01-10T01:57:00.000+08:00

who can i confide in regarding something i dont even understand myself.

sigh.

2012-01-09T01:33:00.001+08:00

feeling so messed up that i dont know where to begin or continue,
so ill not post until i get my head over these obstacles.
at least for a clear perspective.

messed up. messed up.
hope its an alcohol hangover and it'll pass.

2012-01-07T02:10:00.000+08:00

really awesome concert today.
felt so damn fantastic performing at esplanade!
felt like a soloist cause it was hard to listen around each other.
but i still got listen ah dont anyhow.

and supper with lotsapeople!
and beside coolgang ehehehehe.

ah damn ill update this tomorrow.

2012-01-06T01:21:00.001+08:00

i went to work today!
earned some PETTY CASH to tide me over my transport costs.
really gotta say that i wrote PETTY CASH alot today in data entry.

then went over to esplanade backstage for the first time everr.
gotta say though that it wasnt as glamorous as i expected.
like hospital walkway lol choychoy.
but the people were fun!
and being on the esplanade stage was certainly a good experience for me.
cant wait for tomorrow!

then went dinner with E, N and D.
they are really nice lei.
or maybe i wasnt focusing clearly. ;p
aiyo how lah.

anyway tmr's the day!
might still go work if i have time... which i think i may not.
soo gonna wake up and prac and go esplanade and prac then rehearsal then FINALLY WOOHOO.
kk nights cant wait to marvel in some esplanade experiences.

pretty pretty personality.
hidden by the specs, braces and shitty accent. (:

2012-01-05T03:00:00.001+08:00

all i can remember for today is HAHHA UP DOWN LEFT RIGHT.
ohyah and the venti white choc mocha frappe.

oya and the application for BARBACK and buying the new vision stringss.

ah and i did manage to practice today whew.
ok gonna wake up at 9am tmr, practise 1 hr, prep up and go off to work, then from work go esplanade, then rehearsal to 715... then probably come back crash ._. gonna need some sleep!

nights world.
could get used to this new kind life hahaa.

shall change strings after concert.
dont wanna risk going out of tune.

2012-01-04T01:44:00.001+08:00

the little things that make a big difference in life.
one is definitely to initiate conversations.
thankfew and grateful for the few that do this.

which makes me counter-think why do i bother initiating conversations with some people when they NEVER do the same.
maybe they're not as worth it to continue to do so ah.
well we'll see.

so today i got traumatised by my teacher,
who expects very highly of me.
i shall work extra hard.
jiayou.

horoscopes and zodiacs and blood types are really fun things when played around with!
and also a secret technique. LOL.

oh and this random brand of cookies that i bought from ntuc along with my microfibre cloth turned out to be really good. hahaha. good eye for good things!

ah reminds me to wipe my violin. lol.
k off to sleep. shant think of any worrying things.

2012-01-03T12:00:00.001+08:00

2012-01-03T03:12:00.001+08:00

so today...
was a really long day.
rehearsal 8-11am!
potential client came and quite cool ah play for the married-couple-to-be.

then went eat zhu jiao cu.
wah damn shiok la thanks uncle chau and auntie susie.
glad for my dad to have such good friends like u 2.
looking at my dad and uncle chau still hanging out together for so many years reminds me of sikai LOL.
no homo!

then went home sleep until 5 then zao to dg for dinner with HS O ZK C C!
awesome open peoplee.
and went to crash their rehearsal.
wah godly la mahler 5.
feel like buying tickets to listen HAHA.
hopefully got seats on friday.
if not backstage.. not as fun o:

then came home and uploaded the pics! shall post some here later once i get hold of my comp again.

about the tweet of giving with no reciprocation...
sometimes i dont really mind,
but depends la.
some people who i really care about who isnt about to care for me as much... just sucks.
but thats life.
aint no perfect world out there.
really need to put u peepz down.

violin lesson tmr.
should sleep early(earlier) and prepppp.

2012-01-02T00:56:00.000+08:00

happy new year guys.

forgot the traditions about writing how the year went before ending it off.

so..

ill recap on 2011 then.

2011 was a big year for me.

because it was a year of super stress.

SYF,

as well as A levels.

the stress really got into me such that i didnt know what to do with my emotions and life,

thus handling personal relationships quite badly i guess.

but not as bad as j1.

hmm.

anyway.

recollecting memories of some of the many events in 2011,

there were..

(may be in order of priority considering how i thought of them first)

SYF.

A levels.

prom.

concert, handover,

loads and loads of outings.

in groups of people,

there are..

cool gang,

3b,

strings. (sadly.)

co.
UHC at the end of the year.

OMM people,
dota people.

in personal people..
well there are.
bros eugene and akzh being there for me all the way.
BFF.
cool gang.
certain people of 3b. (im sure u know who u are. (: )
certain people of strings. + xm, gwyn.
evan.
some old redcross friends.

actually BFF is right.
there is too many random shit to write.
so ill just skip to random things i felt/experienced throughout the year.

love, hate, like, loss, happiness, despair, envy, jealousy, anger, irritance, annoyance, excitement, worry, care, fun, deject, emo, regret, gratefulness..

well i guess life is about the experience, and the people.
so i guess i summed up 2011 pretty well. ;p

and countdown was a blast of fireworks!
we went rollerblading at 3pm with J, WT, SK, SABAH, HH, DH.
super long time since i touched an inline skates!
really muchmuch different compared to speedskates.
all the interest of performing tricks are back again haha.
too bad my old inline ones spoilt.

and then dinner at lagoon with additional ST NL ZF!
like a shiok only, eat stingray and duck rice and beef liao.
then cycle!
cycle from ecp to near esplanade there watch fireworks.
suuuuuper nice.
then ROADBLOCK DAMN ANNOYING LOL.
walked like 2 rounds damn stupid.
and everyone complaining about our bicycles abit the annoying also haha.

but anyway then we went lao pa sat and eat!
or rather they did and i watched and drank some teh si bing.

OMG NOW I KNOW WHY SO CUI IN THE MORNING.
TEH SI BING THEN AFTER THAT GO GEYLANG DRINK KOPI BING.

ok spoiled.
went to geylang for some frog porridge and dim sum!
then go tanjong rhu watch sunrise.
loads and loads of pics!
shall upload them monday or tuesday.

tomorrow got rehearsal 8-11 then lesson 230.
hope got enough rest.
aaaand hope can wake up tmr holy.

OK ONWARD TO A BETTER LIFE GOGOGOGO 2012!

2011-12-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

...forgot what i wanted to blog about.
GRAH.

in this week of slacking most of the time,
i actually have a newfound perspective of people around me.
still deciding whether it's a perspective for the better or for the worse.

bored.
oh so i was packing my room today and i found stuff from like 2006...
shows how much space i have in my room / how lazy i am to pack damn.
need to finish packing soon.

and need to start making cards zomg.

and needa cut my hair.
getting untidy.
want to keep a long but tidy haircut. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
and handsome haircut.
LOL.
going bonkers already.

okay rehearsal tomorrow woohooooooooooooooo!~

2011-12-29T00:49:00.001+08:00

boring day at home today!

but still not bad.
got another work opportunity!
wheee.
hope the experiences will bode me well for my skills.

slacked today like a real pig man.
woke up at 11, played dota with evan, eat lunch, play more dota, sleep. LOL.
wake up at 6+, eat dinner, play more dota and random games. LOL.

haha seriously.
need to get back down to business and prac violin and pack up my room.
jyjyjy.

social network is my best friend.

i think what's happening now is that you are finding that special someone,
a surely but slowly thing.
bide your time bah.

2011-12-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

really pissed off today because of many many things.
1)lateness
2)self-salvation
3)parents.
4)personal

1)lateness.
here's my rationale from my experiences.
from a personal point of view,
if you are late, you are trying to say that you have failed in being accountable for yourself.
you have given up trying to be early, for whatever reason,
and you have less respect for the other party.
also, you can mean that you are bargaining on the 'stable' blue chip that is the other party will forgive you for it and move on.

from an outsider's point of view,
if you are late, you are seen as not respecting the other party.
you are seen as an annoyance and a hindrance if there are tasks to be done in a time limit.
you are seen as someone not trustworthy.
you are seen as someone who withdraws from the emotional bank, a reserve of trust.
(meaning to say if someone's your good friend and you two have a large reservoir of trust, if that someone continues to be late that reservoir will deplete unless there are more deposits than withdrawals. if not, sooner or later you will get fed up and good friends no more.)

so my friends who are late,
they (or you) are just making withdrawals of trust from the emotional bank and i dont believe that is the way to go.
plus furthermore,
if everyone gives up,
then the time WILL just get later and later until everything gets cancelled.
e.g. 1pm become 1.10pm, next meeting 1pm become 1.30. then 1 to 2. 1 to 4. 1 to cancel.
if that is what you like to become then continue to do so.
just dont expect me to keep waiting.
my patience is finally reaching its limit and if i dont try anything to salvage these kind of situations then i may give up on you friends too.
punctuality is after all, a virtue.

2)self-salvation

well this is about an issue a good friend of mine has.
im guessing alot of you will probably have it too at some point of time.
so this can serve as a reminder.
what is considered success in life for you?
and what are your personal goals?
for me one goal is to have good emotional bank accounts with my friends.
sorry ah learnt this term from this good book so yeah dont mind me.
they are like the batteries of friendship.

soo if you have similar goals of having stronger bonds with friends,
dont be hesitant in going to try for it if there is nothing else stopping you.
be rational also in your decisions,
dont chiong into every chance you have if you know your pocket is going to burn dry.
(which i expect mine will very soon so im planning to skip tomorrow. sorry guys.)

3)parents.

well simply put im still (as usual) getting sick of all the restrictions and shit.
come on la how old am i already.
what duties do i have at this point in time.
NONE.
i have the time to do anything i want.
right?
not as if im going around being a hooligan.
seriously dont understand.
need study also ask why so late.
dont need study also ask why so late.
sometimes i really just wanna 'fuck you' seriously.
and this internet offing shit.
fuck it la.
bloody nonsense.
rationale for me coming back late. "we're worried for you."
OKAY LAH I 24/7 STAY HOME ISSIT.
rationale for internet. "save electricity".
seriously.
what the fuck.
just a stupid shit la i really dont wanna care already.
ill be planning a backup incase i burst and decide not to come home.
gonna need marcus / siddharth help.

4) personal.
well..
i really dont know what to say here, honestly.
what i can say is that life is... life.
there's nothing much to change that fact,
to change life into wants or life into dreams even.
pragmatism is the key here i guess.
move on if you find yourself too much attached to your dreams and wants.

well.

on a much much brighter side i met SK S HH DC DH(HAHAHAH DH) ZF J in the afternoon and an additional house cheer HC BRYAN HOON JS APRIL GOKU... did i miss anybody out.
nice meeting them.
(Y)

now life moves on yet again,
gonna have a nice sleep.

2011-12-27T00:31:00.001+08:00

i feel really blessed in the midst of these crises.
blessed to have these great friends in my life.

subconsciously my mind has been invoked,
i now see things much differently than before,
not at surface level anymore.
thanks for all the insight and everything.
really meant alot to me.

sigh feeling shittier with every day idont do the cards. where's my motivation ro start!

2011-12-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

Life isn't about keeping score. Its not about how people call you & it's nt about who you've dated. It's not about who you've kissed, what sports you play, it's not about your shoes/hair/colour of your skin,where you live/go to school. In fact, it's not about grades,money or clothes. Life isn't about if you have alot of friends or if you are alone n it's not about how accept/unaccepted you are.....But life is about who you love & who you hurt.. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness & compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends & replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it's about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.
~Adam Fendelman

Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life. Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do. So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be.

2011-12-26T01:41:00.000+08:00

merry christmas guys.
nothing much to say just that its been really boring today.
seen some kites fly thats it.

merry christmas~

merry christmas number 2~

too bad they couldnt achieve world record for most number of kites in the air.

okay anyway so its been a really really boring christmas for me and a strained one for the family.
i guess thats it.
hoping for christmas wishes to come true,
whatever wishes.
heh.
nothing better to do but hope.

2011-12-24T15:27:00.002+08:00

&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;what we &amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;
morning practice today!
still sucks but hey good attempt i hope hahaha.
looking forward to 28th jan!
shall take a bath and a long nap now.

3:08am

merry christmas guys.
it's the season of love.
sadly that it's not really having much effect on me,
like its just another public holiday.

oh well.
hope all my friends out there are having maximum fun and enjoy their day ahead.
shall think about what to do for the day.
sigh.

2011-12-24T07:44:00.001+08:00

yesterday was omg yet another hectic day.
violin lesson at 11 to 12,
sota rehearsal 130 to 5 (which really ended at 4+),
tanz house at simei for dinner and stayover.
slept at 4, wake up 6 only to find my e string broken.
hope they didnt mess around with my violin >.>

wanted to say it was a blank day but it wasnt.
neither blank nor eventful i guess,
or both, taken to a different contezt.

fingertips pain like mad.
after this rehearsal im off to next from 9-12 im going home to sleep.
after goin to synwin to buy some new set of strings.
maybe titanium solo.
shall ask for recommendations.

and while i live my life the gang live theirs.

2011-12-23T03:01:00.001+08:00

wahhh long day.
watched the anime death note until ep 31 today. 6 more episodes to go.
then went to meet sikai nigel jiayun for dinner/drink.
okay bah long time no see.
5 years we shall see (:

oh and i went to my sis' workplace aka preulum or something like that.
latin for wine press.
nice place i took lotsa pics! shall upload some if i have time tomorrow.

whats left to do..
finish up death note 6 more episodes..
then gonna finish up the 3 movies..
then gonna do up the 17 cards..
or maybe ill skip the movies.

pulling me in like a mouse to cheese.

2011-12-22T16:48:00.001+08:00

on the way to meet sk n jy for dinner.
honestly dont expect much since its been so long since we talked.
prediction: not-so-eventful night ahead.
unless lots of $$$ is spent.

mm. memories.
hard when your brain needs to juggle the information from the past and present, as well as consider the future.

2011-12-22T03:05:00.000+08:00

watching death note for the past 3 hours..

halfway done.

went to gym today with sikai.
yk whole day pangseh.
sigh.

nothing much done today.
death note's like a chess game omg.

dont know what to think anymore.
days please come faster.

2011-12-21T02:15:00.002+08:00

i think i need more time to do these cards.
17 people.

time needs these cards to be delivered sooner.

gosh this is exactly like it.
wonder what the whisper will be.

2011-12-21T01:04:00.002+08:00

uplifting chat with wt s sk.
bored ah really nothing better to do.

so today i went to follow ashley to shop.
got 2 pairs of ankle socks at $5!
meant to be 4 for 10 la but split.
dun have black sian.

then went to see him eat this oddly familiar noodles opp bugis.
nv see the shop before but saw the noodles.
weird.
ok then went to paya lebar met fii and go sengkang say hi to royce LOL.
and frick dropped his koi at arcade siannnnnnn so embarassing.
the drink even dripped all over as i walked out.
paiseh paiseh paiseh max.

arrgh.
ok la boring day.

wah sian everyone suddenly quiet now.
siansian shall sleep soon then.

sigh howhowhow

2011-12-20T00:13:00.000+08:00

another long day today.

went swimming with nigel hh zf sikai david.

super fun in the pool tossing people into the water! from the water.

but then the security guard damn ass keep chasing us off when rain got heavier.

k la safety reason.

whatever.

then had some hot sauna in the bathroom waaaaah shiok only.

but the steam super foggy ah cant see properly.

but shiok cause weather so frickin ass today rain from morning to night.

sigh.

oh oh oh i went yakun first for breakfast LOL.

decided to spend some hard earned money HAHAH.

but nice la love half boiled eggs.

pre req for future relationship is must know how to make half boiled eggs.

cause i dunno.

LOL.

ok then went to thaipan for lunch!

woohoo.

jingdu porkchop

cereal chicken

butter fish

hong kong kailan with oyster sauce

hot plate sizzing tofu!

and 2 bowls of rice as usual for me.

walao type until hungry alr.

okay then went over to david's house to slack awhile before leaving to city hall...

and left my fricking shoebag in the mrt -.-

i think.

lucky only got clothes ah later got wallet i cry alr.

then went for dinner hehehehe thanks (:
next time my turn.
cannot say no ah.

then rehearsal.
boring la rehearsal honestly.

okay thats all tired sian bored nights.

always say that ill give up but then when u come its like reset.
sigh how to move on like that.

2011-12-19T01:22:00.001+08:00

HOLY SHIT DAY TODAY.
pure work.
first me and fii took 48 (lucky choice) there and noticed that alot were late cause of the shitty smrt system.

worked today! 2nd day. morning shift with fii sikai royce denae and jewel and shu xian.
crazy work clearing up 2nd floor i swear.
move everything to accessible positions, sikai went to wash everything.
we went stocktaking, moving EVERYTHING to basement 1.

aiya really nonsense of a time.
working there really gives me no sense of time. i just work and work and work until time's up.

and the superiors are really nice.
except the women.
fierce as china tigers roar.

aaaand then i unknowingly accepted another 1 hour of work.
total 10 hrs.

ok im fucking fucking motherfucking pissed off right now.
this jibai bitch impersonator better not be the fucking senior that pester me for 3 years or else i will fucking call the police.

2011-12-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

so today was rather slack,
but eventful nonetheless.

met up with HS at plaza sing for lunch,
initially with oliver but he couldnt make it.
nice talk regarding music and life and personal stuffs.

quite fun to talk to a girl really carefree-ly,
knowing that there's no hidden agenda.
goodgood.

then went to serangoon NEX to meet up with sophie and hh and just slack ah really.
begged laopa hh to let me play 1 jubeat game ehehehe (: not bad ah AABA!

then just literally sat on the roof there and watch the KidzPlay with the kids having fun with the water.
really a relaxing scene especially with the sound of the water gushes and the wind and the weather.
feels like... peace. lol.

and then i went home to some shitty dad who lied about saying he cooked dinner so we must come home dinner.
we come home see is maid cook one and he was just folding his shitty kite.
fuck u seriously,
if u want to say something u better mean it.
or else dont blame us when we do the same.
make sis cry sia.

stupid la this whole family is childish.

2011-12-17T18:19:00.001+08:00

tired.

2011-12-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

another fulfilling day.
i think i really made a nice friend oliver, (sorry to skip so far ahead but he's worth blogging about)
he's 20 years old and he only went 5 months of army so he owes another 1year5months,
he's studying medicine at NUS now and will only go back to army when he's like.. 28 years old. LOL.

okay back to the morning.
so i woke up at 8.. an ungodly hour so called.
really didnt want to wake up because it was SO EARLY.
so i asked mariane to make me a cuppa kopi-o.
and i guess it worked,
considering how tired i am now and how tired i wasnt during the day.

met fii at parkway there early!
dont get it why im always early.
i guess its an innate nature of mine to wait for others.
like today i reached there at 9 when im supposed to meet her at 930 (which was already an early time to reach newton by 1030)
and boarded the bus like 935.
and reached newton like 1010? maybe.

AND HOLYMOTHEROF_____ SIKAI WAS EARLY.
YES.
FIRST STEP TO VICTORY.
GOOD JOB.
okay so we reached there early.. (yes early again)
and waited and talked,
and then FOOOOOOOOOD WOOHOO.
plain rice plus tasty soup and some nice pork and some cool veggie.
looks cheap but tastes real good so heck it i ate ALOT.
partly cause i didnt eat breakfast,
partly cause i slept on an empty stomach,
partly cause i drank coffee. (increase metabolism i think)

so i ate like 1.5 bowls of rice (took denae's bowl cause she couldnt finish.... and i took an extra bowl thinking that they wanted 1 full bowl HAHA)
and lots of lots of meat.
which was good, because the leftovers went into the bin.
plus i managed to work all the way without feeling hungry.

AND I GOT THE CHUAN CAI POSITION.
which is like relaying food from the kitchen to the waiters in the dining.
i wear a white hat u see.
REAL FUNNY HAHAH i first wore it and tucked all my fringe in.
then when i went to the toilet to see i LOOKED STUPID.
gosh cant imagine what i'd look like if i go army.
hellova big shit.

AND I MANAGED TO SERVE CRABS HAHA SHIOK ONLY.
lots of good food!
my leader bringing me around was really really nice and funny too.
kudos to weijie!
<3

so we worked a fulfilling job until 3,
fii denae jewel was mainly waiter/waitressing, clearing tables etc.
sikai waiter, plus clean shitty dirty dustbins (think cause u big built can do rough work ah)
and then cleaned up, move stuff, cleared some shitty rubbish into the bin until 4.
and got our pay WOOHOO!

really love it how they pay u at the end of the day.
its like u know exactly how this money came about from ur work hours.

ok mega tired.
then fii's godpa+cousin fetch us to novena, (thanks!)
cause it was drizzling, which turned into a downpour once we drove out of the place.
lucky!
ok then sikai went to shengshiong or something with honghui and denae went to sit in for her friend's vocal lessons.
COOL MAX.
and fii went to apply BTT.
lol typed bbt. bubbletea. HAHAHAH

and i went to serangoon to meet the sota/omm strings people,
which included oliver! (yes finally mentioned in this dry long post)
oliver, charmaine, benedict, bettina, (edward, benedict's friend and charmaine's neighbour), zhengkai left when i came : |
and this really really ACCENTED girl called...
shit i really forgot her name.
NATASHA.
benedict whole day NA TA LAI SHA (bring her come kill)
hahahah.

slack and fun experience.
loved it.
especially talking with oliver,
he was 20 and an experienced viola player so i learnt alot from him.
looking forward to learning more and having fun at the same time.
since my learning is about my interests.
(Y)

aaand prata with family.
dad's really naggy.
but okay i guess i understand.
he's probably at his next phase of mid life crisis maybe.

anyway tomorrow just got cancelled. WHATFAK.
was really anticipating it, excited and eager.
too bad only left the cleaning up job on sunday.
jiayou.
$$$
gonna try to arrange violin lesson back tomorrow.
and let dr yeo know that im serious in learning music for my career.

take care friend,
ill always be there for you no matter what.

2011-12-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

long day.
woke up at 12 cause i was tired.
okay i need to start sleeping school-time-early.
like 10pm.
but i tend to prioritise friends and family over sleep.
which... technically isnt healthy right.
anyway u guys who (i know) who read my blog are under the group family. (:
those upstairs are... obligations.
but im still grateful for them for bringing me up.

and then i reached newton at an early time of 1.20pm even though i thought i left quite late.
ended up waiting for sikai until 2pm.
sigh. again.
i think this can be considered like under some gambling addiction or what.
if i dont wait for him these past few years ill probably have saved an enormous amount of time for other things.

..anyways.
went to job training and it was quite cool,
probably wont remember all the info but ill try to remember them as i go along.
this job pays quite well,
and pays half pay for this job training too.
quite cool.
so yup.
and im working there tomorrow with fii and sikai for lunch shift.
then saturday evening shift for event.
sorry gotta pangseh violin teacher.
but cmon u changed it to saturday first : |

then awesome (and $$$) dinner with the family! (or thats what i think i shall call them for now)
haha i really feel like a random family member here.
comfortable and cool.
(Y)
love ya guys.
and grats weiting for the new camera!
really love that olympus P3 or something.
looks like some vintage camera PLUS CAN CHANGE LENS PLUS CLEAR IMAGES
omg rocks.
oh and the video function!
damn i always regretted buying my 50D instead of the 500D, lost the video function.
ah well but dont need to buy the high quality memory card for HD videos.
at least.

like i told james,
my memory really soggy liao.
cannot remember alot of shit.
can remember the date is booked but dunno for what.
time to sync google calendars and pen down every appointment i have on iphone calendar.
and every thought i have on blog.

need more sleep sigh.

tanz asked me,
why so wary,
when will i lax about thinking so much.

when will i ever be?
these thoughts put my life pretty much tidied, i guess.
the physical life.
mental life is just draining.
thats why i always fantasize that people would willingly be there with me.
burden shared = burden halved.
..not really.
just that i get someone to talk to and lighten my mental stress.
life still moves on at the same pace.

oh well. a stressed life is a fulfilling life i guess.
havent gotten a day to myself.
the only day which i had nearly the whole day to myself was saturday? or sunday?
ended up going to david's house for no reason in the afternoon and slacking / play.

really really physically tired.

2011-12-14T18:29:00.001+08:00

2011-12-13T20:47:00.000+08:00

god i really have the same situation.
life is really uncanny no.

如果想你的话，应该怎么办？

绕了一大圈，还是回头找你。

常常在想应该等多久你才会发现。

往前方走吧，我会一直在你后面等着。

i quite like it how we can still remain in contact by blogging,
it's like far away, but still reachable as and when.
(Y)

livejournal's my new source of inner inner inner reflection.
bro! find me!

so today i wanted to meet sikai to run together and have lunch,
but he fell asleep and pangsehed in the end.
ok la honestly im not annoyed or what,
but this kind of thing if really pangseh must be socially responsible abit can.
like let people know ur gonna sleep first or what.

and WALAO I HATE THIS JUDUPISAI KEEP PWNING ME IN FIFA.
BITCH.
its ok ill pwn him once i play more. LOL
looking forward to play with royce too! hahaha.
I DIDNT SAY YOU'RE A NOOB LOL.

2011-12-12T23:03:00.000+08:00

started reading 9gag.

and listening to ryuichi sakamoto.

a night in the theatrette

2011-12-12T05:17:00.001+08:00

it's been a pissy day in the morning and afternoon,

arguing with parents over shitty matters and them arguing amongst themselves.

scold me for not informing them earlier.

another one scold me for 'not informing'.

hello i just informed you.

plus you yourself never inform US when you dont come back.

tsk.

but then the evening has been very eventful,

thanks to weiting's birthday!

thanks for being born.

haha.

reached the cc at 9+, saw many of them at the basketball court taking pictures or something.

but shit, my specs died,

couldnt see them clearly.

took some measly pictures but didnt bring my 55-155 lens.

or something like that.

damn.

surprise weiting!

hope you liked it.

was listening to your comments when the video was playing and HAHA you are very funny.

balloon fight!

pictures do the talking,

because it was too fun to describe.

this theatrette is very fun to be in.

or rather,

the people.

(Y)

indelible,

indelible.

(hey, you are someone who have left an indelible mark in my life. dont doubt yourself.)

some blur queen fidgeting on my right there while i type this in the dark on the stage of the theatrette.

hahah.

serenity.

im guessing im pretty scary-looking with the laptop light shining on my face while everyone sleeps around.

ah well.

rest well guys,

i believe camp was well for yall.

just remembered i can dim my laptop light. lol.

forever, eternity.

OH YAH I GOT CAUGHT BY POLICE FOR BEING TOO HIGH AT 3AM.

HAHHA.

"hey u ok? why u so high.

take care ah later i send u to IMH."

dick of a policeman!

HAHA.

ok la my fault for being high in the middle of the night okay.

didnt disiao gangsters end up disiao police.

lol.

okay thats all for ~~(here)~~ now.

boring day life

2011-12-10T19:55:00.001+08:00

tried making some cover of viva la vida using my violin, many layers of sound! havent reached the melody yet. but may not continue cause its quite popular ah.

if im still bored can try secrets by one republic.. still got what ah.

stony day at home.
i miss the dudes and dudettes! faster end camp so we can go makan and cycle.

2011-12-09T04:22:00.001+08:00

prom night has been awesome.
i took many many photos with almost everyone i knew.
and what the hell, no one wore a cap except me and afi.
seriously.
the attire sucks.
everyone wore white and black and its so boring.
lucky for me i didnt choose the cream.

and the events were amazing,
not the prom events but the self made events and activities.
dancing around with the awesome people,
slacking around,
having fun.

congrats to the awesome prom queen!
totally deserved it lah, the rest no chance.(:

slacking in the room in swissotel, listening in to conversations everywhere,
people sleeping,
people watching tv.

need to wake up early,
first new violin lesson at 11am.

life moves on,
i missed a chance and there's no turning back to change the choice.

how sia. cannot tank.

2011-12-08T11:01:00.001+08:00

2011-12-08T01:34:00.001+08:00

"im afraid,

i cant love anyone else the same"

"alone"

2011-12-08T00:59:00.001+08:00

"if i were to write a letter to you now,

it would be empty.

empty not because there's nothing to be written,

empty because of the inability to pen the heart down to paper.

the inability to pin one's feelings.

what one would feel when he sits with you,
just enjoying the moment in time,
seeing you there,
your presence filling up my soul.

empty because the description of you
of my perception of you,
is too unreal to pen down on paper.
its too uplifting,
too positive,
too happy to be true.

the feelings of joy,
peace,
contentment,
happiness,
like andrenaline pumping into your life.

and when you're gone,
those other feelings creep in.

feelings of sadness,
guilt,
disappointment,
regret,
pain,
destabilising.

for you are the pillar of the building,
the foundation of life,
keeping change acceptable,
keeping life simple.

life has it complicated,
humans are complicated.
the mind moves in miraculous ways,
trying to think its way through different stages of life.

and after the passing of all your years,
you will yet again be one with nature,
unknowing,
unseeing."

"treasure these moments,
because they will be the time of your life.
when you argue with girls,
they dont speak your language.
i just hold my breath,
keep my anger.
and i say sorry."

"and he's right.
jc life is a mess.
if you like a girl,
the only action applicable is to stop liking her.
because true chance can never be found."

life has to move on.

sigh.

2011-12-06T23:41:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I think telling someone about everything that’s bothering you is a form of burden. Dontknowifanyoneagrees.

agreed.
it feels like the person is burdened with your troubles.
which sucks totally.

but then again that being said,
im definitely open to anything and everyone anyone (well at least people i talk to) tell me.
well,
cause i get to know them better,
and .. how to put it.
i feel closer to them because they are more comfortable/open around me.
well just my two cents.
which leads me to be an intrinsic friend. so to speak.

off to bathe then back to blog.
okay back

hellova fun filming today!
couldnt really finish my quest D.
hope to finish it in time to give people though!

really funny day.
and memorable,
reminising.

and sad at the same time.

in himym,
there was a part where barney froze in time forever.

2011-12-05T22:37:00.001+08:00

today was really SPECTACULAR.
went on a JOURNEY to raffles place early in the morning at 1030.
started on quest D! happy.
paiseh to just sit there so i ordered an espresso (aka the cheapest shit)
and WHAT THE HECK IT WAS SUCH A TINY CUP FILLED 1/4.
TAMADE.
buay song so i...
LOL.
ok stupid and immature incident.

okay anyway then bought more since i needed much much more.
and went to somerset to meet sikai and hh!
and we went walking around watching one piece on their apple ipad2 hahaha.
met up with jasmine and went searching around for hh and sikai's stuff everywhere from zara to h&m to cine .
and lunched at cine.

then shopped somemore at cine.
found alotalot of stuff lei but out of budget.
and wanted to jubeattt but hh laopa block me. ):
ohwell.

then royce came along and we went walking EVERYWHERE.
to paragon to taka to wisma to dunno where.
crazy la.
cant even remember bought what at where.
then jasmine left for her movie woohoo and the rest of us went to far east...
WHICH WAS A NIGHTMARE.

ABOVE LEVEL 2 THERE ARE SOME HELLLOVA RUDE AND FIERCE PEOPLE WHOSE EQ IS NEGATIVE.
SELL THINGS ALSO THROW TO US,
DONT INTEND TO BUY ASK US GET LOST WATFAK.
PLUS A COUGAR.
I SWEAR THE LYNDON'S OR WHATSHOP IS THAT IS SUPER FUCKED UP.
BOTH OF THEM SAME FLOOR ALSO THEIR PEOPLE INSIDE KAOPEH LIKE SHIT.

okay had to let some steam out.

and got my hat for 25.
gosh wanted it for 20 so much but sigh.

burnburnburnburn.

BUT ITS GONNA BE HELLOVA FUN WHOOOO.
and im so tired now i want to sleep.
but shall continue with my quest D!

put it down put it down put it down...
its a trap its a trap its a trap
falling in and unable to climb out.
deeper and deeper and deeper the rabbit hole goes,
down into the magma.

2011-12-04T22:49:00.001+08:00

WASSUP.
quite happy today cause i managed to finish buying my attire.
thanks jasmine again for the 20% off!

should i make it a surprise or should i just post it here.
arrrghh.
ok ill make it a surprise!
whee.

so the day was spent in town (again) today and ironically i didnt buy any of the clothes i said i liked when i went with sikai and royce and david.
mainly cause i didnt know what i wanted.
and now im just going along with what i have so yeah and it looks good too.

but still it was hellova expensive!
spent like 300 today on 5 items?
but the black shirt i bought is for concert so no count.

240 for 4 items.
wah ex lah.

but all is well CAUSE MY DAD WON THE LOTTERY WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
and it wasnt any small amount.
ALOT LAH.
okay still amazed.
hope it covers all the lottery he bought and more.

lucky car!
brought us 2 lottery wins now.

in a really happy mood now cause there's freedom and there's money (for the family) and there's friends all day all the way.

aint no 100% happiness,
is that cause limited feelings cant cure the unlimited wants.
aiya.

think happy think happy think peaceful think contented.

2011-12-04T01:31:00.001+08:00

if you heard the word 'regret',
what would be the first thing that came into your mind?
if you heard the word 'sad',
who would be the first person that came into your mind?
if you heard the word 'beautiful',
who would be the first that pops into your head.

and if you heard the word 'friend',
that person that first pops into your mind would have you as his regret.

2011-12-04T00:10:00.001+08:00

hell of a day today.

SOTA was just hellova awesome with its facilities.

met loads of new super scarily open people!

nice job.

but super tough sightreading.

good first try i guess?

tired so gonna keep this short.

so today was the encounter of 2 music groups,

joining one of them.

performing at esplanade for the first time!

come watch and ask me for the date.

inconvenient here.

then met up with royce and david and jonk and desmond.

and played jubeat!

long long long time no play already.

and woohoo i got better from the practice on phone hehehe.

does it mean there's no chance
forever happening,
forever wasted.
if i made a tumblr all hell would break loose. 

2011-12-02T23:37:00.001+08:00

today
today was HECTIC.
afternoon went to raffles city for my QUEST D.
then shop with royce sikai david for lotsa clothes!
thanks jasmine for the 20%! for royce to finish his attire woohoo!

and ate some XIAO BA WANG mee sua.
too hot alr ah cannot finish.
hot food like porridge is just sian to eat cause u cant eat everything at a gulp haha.

anyway shopping's a major chore when you dont know what to buy.

see this nice see that nice see this nice dont match damn choose a combi choose colour choose shoes choose vest/blazer HOLYOMG

yah at the end of the day it was super tiring.
then went to shop more and eat then finally go SCAPE!
crazy first time of a dance lesson.

firstly, attire was wrong.
LOL.
must wear baggy!
i wore some slim tee and slim shorts.
everyone else wore sweat pants and baggy tees...
shit.

okay anyway that was the song we danced to and IT WAS FAST.
speed of hiphop.
tired tired tired.
then pangsehed david and royce (SORRY!)..
really wanted to come but then royce mentioned he leaving 10 plus,
then if i reach already would be 945 or what. reached home at 945 so would reach there probably 955.
then left what half hour.
abit sad.

and then class guys were jioing me to clarke quay to drink..
and it was near.
so i went ahead.
guilty.
then i met them at the helipad bar or something.
really cool! it was above the central.
and the guys koped a reserved spot (not for them) at the railing there.
coolcool.

and i kinda miss those guys eh.
they are cool.
ah well.
opportunity cost.
somehow i like econs but apparently it doesnt like me.

okay anyway im reallllllly shagged now and sadly noone helped me tag the photos so im just gonna leave it there untagged hoho.
until i feel like tagging.
and yes photo-taking is the ultimate.
because it serves as the ultimate memory keepsake.
or whatever the english is supposed to be.

okay quests remaining.
D,
V123,
mission impossible.

Ending of As

2011-12-01T23:41:00.001+08:00

this is too funny.

i think the thing means i cant put my feelings down.

but really,

at this point i dont mind,

because it's definitely not the end.

Vitas!

lots and lots and lots of plans lined up ahead!

shall apply to be a violin teacher along with xm on piano!

shall join the strings quartet or something too.

and this strings camp!

thats for personal stuff.

now for the real highlights,

there's upcoming NIGHT CYCLING!

FOOD!

RANDOM DANCE LESSONS!

*secret mission D*

*super super secret mission impossible*

i hope it isnt too packed.

might still put more things inside.

not to mention potential tokyo trip in april,

family gatherings,

CNY.

i still want to plan this mega important task of bonding with people.

i guess my closure is knowing that there isnt an end.

to put it simply,

hope.

yep so expect me to want to hang out more k.

hoho.

hope im not being too thick skinned here.

shall upload amazing pictures and memories tomorrow and maybe some cool ones up here!

nigel's birthday celebration today was rather messy but it ended up well and amazing (:

could see his sad face before and after bio,

like we didnt give a shit about his birthday.

but had to really tahan to give this amazing surprise.

and it was super fun!

my voice is dead now.

oh yah reminder to drink lots of lots of water.

gonna sound like zaoxia max only tomorrow.

honghui's house is cool!

went there to get the beehoon and fried rice and stuff over.

and then there was BBQ!

and lots of camwhoring.

and singing.

well i was the random singer from nowhere.

and twist with sa ba ba ba ba~! (Y)

wanted to swim but oh well there wasnt time and people.

shall do it next time!

really great day i love it so so much.

sleeping tonight with a satisfied soul.

TOMORROW WILL BE JUST AS GOOD, IF NOT BETTER.

2011-12-01T09:48:00.001+08:00

i should stop trying.
i should.
i would.
and this isnt to the one that's worried most.

2011-11-30T21:50:00.001+08:00

couldnt help but look at it soon after.
and i was very very very much impacted.
thanks for being my friend and i will definitely forever remember you always.

and you're right.
i think we both have this same problem eh. haha.
but im a little delayed,
dragging this.

but at the end of the day,
to be proper there must be closure,
for your heart to accept and to move on.
i guess this was yours.

and i dont know what mine is yet.

hmm.

okay off for a run with the judupisai.
good luck for everything that comes.

and no i dont like to exaggerate.

ill be there.

Who you really are.

2011-11-29T22:04:00.001+08:00

Someone who knows who he is,
what he is capable of,
where his place is,
he is perfection.

Others who do not know their purpose,
they are merely human.

While finding purpose,
there will be people, things to sway them off course.

Thing is,
are they your purpose,
or your distraction.

Bittersweet.

2011-11-29T16:14:00.001+08:00

hope im not falling sick.

2011-11-28T22:41:00.001+08:00

"Sometimes I might not wait and walk away.

Sometimes I give things a lot of thought and then shake it off.

Sometimes I dream but I know it's not going to come true.

Sometimes, sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if you will be there for me,

Will you be a kind of reality?

If I wait, will you walk away?

If I think about you a lot, will you shake it off?

If I dream about you all the time, will you come true?

Should I stand here and wait for you?

Maybe one day you will come around and find me too.

I'll be here waiting."

too true.

some songs really are a remake of old songs.

like this cry cry.

cant remember what song it came from though.

remember it was a hit in the.. 90s? 2000s?

ohwell.

i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really dont want this cycle to end.

"I think it's important to take the time to tell the people you love that you love them while they can hear you."

i hope you guys can feel it.

2011-11-27T15:18:00.001+08:00

some songs are that fantastic.

2011-11-27T02:47:00.001+08:00

then i would've had you by now.
there are many things that i would like to say to you but i dont know how.

you're my wonderwall
maroon 5 — she will be loved

2011-11-25T23:37:00.001+08:00

happy birthday sikai.
celebrating 6 years of friendship.

an apt song now would be 'The All American Rejects - Move Along'.
too apt.

im really gonna miss these people,
who turned my vj life from a nightmare to a safe haven.
even though probably none of them will appreciate me the way i do them.

but hey, who am i to complain.
at least vj life is almost finally gonna be over.

2 more MCQs to go, 1 more prom,and thats it.

since im half sober from rum rum raisin and tee i miss u,

and while im on a bus to no certain destination,
i shall evaluate my jc life.

i guess there are 4-5 main parts of jc life?

the first that happened to me was..
being ct rep of 10s3b.
honestly i now think that it wasnt a smart decision to have a change of style from secondary school to jc.

being thick skinned has its benefits definitely, but the disadvantages hurt more.

true, i was just impulsive during thw start of vj and wanted leadership roles so i just chionged.

apparently everyone was too shy to make a change then.
now there's too much, unwanted or socially inethical change.
and i guess im part of it, from their part of view.
oh well, that episode is over.

the next thing that followed closely was house cheer.
something that is probably ranked 1 or 2 in my jc life.
where people were genuine,
no restrictions,
or so it seems from now.
i guess it was the best in j1.

being pushed from a certain position in exco to vice pres led me to not gaining a leadership role in house comm.

could it have been a better choice if i was in house comm?
well, at least i know that ursa would have been a great bunch of people to work with.

not that anything's wrong with strings.
well there were certainly mistakes and errors that everyone made.
blunders.
and i do disagree with some now still.
especially the hate for K.
maybe its just me but i find he was just doing his job and there's really nothing much to hate when you're learning stuff from.

cmon, you dont hate someone who imparts you knowledge.
you may dislike the subject or topic, but in the end you really learn stuff right.
dont say you dont learn anything.
there are definitely lessons in every situation.
situations that you grow up and mature in.

and then that's probably my j1 life, some j2.

and then j2 i guess i can say that i've made a bunch of friends that are kinda ambiguous.
i would say that i feel close to them but they might not.
i guess its cause of this genuinity thing again.

i can say it out loud, i really hate acting.
acting kills your inner soul like a flame that wouldnt stop burning.
true, the outside life is full of actors.
true, we all got to act to survive the onslaught of bosses and superiors.

maybe if i try hard enough,
i could be my own boss and then i wouldnt have to listen to anybody.

violin maker's one of them.
studying music to be a performer, a teacher, a conductor..
or maybe even do sales for the lots of cash to pursue desires and interests.

so to these friends,
i really thank you for the wonderful experience that you guys have spared me,
and i sincerely apologise for any harm that i have caused to you guys.
sorry.
i still dont know how you guys think of me just crashing in like that.
but im not hoping for the best,
if i looked back at the situation i would have felt very awkward too.
or maybe even pissed.
my heart wouldnt have been big enough.

aand im taking the bus back home nao.
hougang is an interesting place to live in.

so jc life,
i've definitely gained some pointless knowledge from academics.
sad that i dont like studying till the very end.

but the most valuable asset i have obtained here is to really be who you are,
and that will determine what will be.
the roads will be tough and full of obstacles,
i guess it's in one's motivation, mindset, and (especially for me) important, signifcant friends and colleagues to encourage you.

life is tough,
escaping life in one way or another is a failure, including suicide.
i guess you really gotta Move Along and survive this onslaught.

im thankful for every teacher and tutor that taught me in this jc period,
i'll definitely miss them very much.

so to conclude this day of slacking in school in the rain,
skating/cycling,
lunch and origami at subway,
slacking,
udders and dinner,
'It is one of the many memorable periods of my life'.
aand im done and reached my bus stop.

on a mini note.
its your own taiji now.

2011-11-25T00:40:00.001+08:00

life seems to be rotting away when you dont really find the meaning in doing things you thought you wanted to do.

trying to cover up the lies you gave yourself,

that the pain will be temporary,

construct a mental shield around the life you have lived in and dreamt of,

block after block after block,

episode after episode after episode.

how lei.

this cycle is coming to an end.

solution of either breaking the cycle,

or let it continue.

breaking the cycle is a risk of killing the inner me though.

i guess let it continue.

to do:
post As plan.
people plan.
set.
go.

2011-11-24T01:53:00.001+08:00

UNGODLY HOUR.

totally slack day.

the biggest question of my 2 years of jc:
was it all a facade?

2011-11-22T22:58:00.001+08:00

那些年，我们一起追的女孩
常常听人家说，恋爱最美好的是暧昧的时候。
是吗？
那么最美好的期间也会是候来最痛苦的期间…
值得吗？
如果真正喜欢一个人，一定值得。
幼稚。
是不是代表幼稚的人将来会很痛苦？

华语cool.
royce你好。
可能在另外一个世界里，我们会在一起。
awesome movie.

【那些年，我們一起追的女孩】電影主題曲《那些年》
演唱：胡夏／作曲：木村充利／作詞：九把刀

又回到最初的起點
記憶中妳青澀的臉
我們終於來到了這一天
桌墊下的老照片
無數回憶連結
今天男孩要赴女孩最後的約

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她
那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳
那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

2011-11-20T22:55:00.001+08:00

sigh.

how now brown cow.

im so screwed for bio p3 tomorrow.

2011-11-19T20:03:00.001+08:00

aiyo aiyo how how how.

time is passing too fast i dont want it to end.

:|

dont like fu yan.
straight forward's the way to go.

2011-11-18T23:46:00.001+08:00

each day is worth remembering.

2011-11-17T22:35:00.001+08:00

call me a slow rock,

but i'll wait until the coast is clear,

i'll wait until all is safe.

jubeat and taptap mania today.

As ah faster end please.

i really cant wait to end.

then again i need to plan my holidays.

i wanna learn dance. who's interested?

hiphop open classes.

not expensive i guess.

around $12 per hr class.

can go as and when you like,

if they are teaching whatever it is you want to learn.

good fun!

yay.

and rollerblading.

really cant wait.

feel like just rollerblading to school,

if there is motivation to wear it and go out and go on the roads for the first time.

stuntbike!

havent forgotten also.

feeling so tired now,

i wonder why.

could be cause of the awesome sprinting with 'impregnating a girl then aborting it by throwing a falcon punch in her thigh'

he's really fast holy shit.

slow sia me.

sigh.

reminise the primary school sprinting days.

shall continue exploring the cave,

looking for a light.

sleep early dey.

2011-11-16T20:32:00.001+08:00

where're all the answers,
i'm patiently waiting.

this song is my next favourite.
first is evans of course.

cant wait.

2011-11-15T21:37:00.001+08:00

arm tired from carrying band stuff for the teacher's band;

legs tired from running and dodging papers..

overall it was hellova fun day today.

i felt eternity today,

it felt really good.

so what do you do when they come for you?

would it be worth the try?

edit: would the try work.

i need a sign.

2011-11-13T19:27:00.001+08:00

pikapika!

its so cute.

chewy too violent alr. ptooey.

ah blanked.

okay back.
so im randomly typing on my blog now because im relatively tired and bored such that chances of me studying is...
very low.

damn.
public really has its disadvantages.
cant write out what i feel or think.

hope life goes well then.

friends,
be happy,
be healthy.

2011-11-11T23:45:00.001+08:00

hope maths can get A.

dont waste tuition money.

onward.

Too early too soon.

2011-11-09T20:35:00.002+08:00

Hello, i'm back.

raising the white flag for chem.

it's really too crazy what the hell.

estimated 45 marks upon 80.

hope the paper's tough enough such that i'd be a B...

after paper 2 and 1.

NO MORE GP FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

actually enjoyed writing the compo though.

felt very good.

compre felt good too.

hope to clinch a B or A too!

holyshet.

and bio was..

weird.

felt good doing it too.

aiya wtheck.

its cause i've been screwing up every paper since jc started.

Es and Ss...

i think can lah.

JIAYOU.

HUAT AH.

Stereo Hearts.

2011-11-07T22:46:00.000+08:00

it's finally here.

the big war.

im too excited to say anything,

it's gonna be a hellova ride.

as weird as it may seem,

the past few weeks of studying, slacking or stoning,

have been rather the best few weeks of the year.

ups and downs that seem to be more significant.

my to do list after As is extremely long.

evan- days,

violin days,

leypak-ing days..

will some stuff run away after As?

cause i really dont want to leave.

some stuff are too important to be left behind.

if anything,

i thank God for the great weeks,

and i hope God can aid me in the exams by not letting this hope falter.

alright dont lose focus.

probably next blogging time would be.. saturday or sunday if i manage to slack.

i guess my goals have fallen from a AAAB to BBBB...

but hey LETS GO.

fuck As.

my heart's a stereo.

it beats for you so listen close,

hear my thoughts in every note.

2011-11-03T21:32:00.000+08:00

to do list:

pay mr siow.

fix GC.

on a lighter note,

parents are going to bintan from saturday to monday.

this means i'll have the whole house to myself.

not like i'll be at home.

but hey,

people can stay over.

interestingz.

2011-11-03T17:45:00.001+08:00

scrutinized.

2011-11-01T19:17:00.001+08:00

thats it.
i wont study with people who dont give a shit.

2011-10-31T23:33:00.001+08:00

and i dont like people talking behind my back.

2011-10-31T23:30:00.001+08:00

bro A's right.
'now's not the time to fall for someone'.
although im really tired,
i cant fall asleep because many many bad thoughts are floating in my head.
we are our own people;
we should be able to control our thoughts.

but some of them are because we want them to stay.
and the evil of me wants these petty thoughts to stay.

second thing,
i still cant get over it.
its too nonsense in the maximum extent possible.

friends are constantly being redefined,
when friends step over boundaries they are classified into another group.

will bros be the same?
i think so, but the boundary will be big.
giant impact that is wanted to last.

im really sick and tired of studying,
and i dont want people to nag at me while im already pushing myself.

just makes me pissed the rest of the day.
not that i want to,
but i cant control it,
but maybe pertaining to the above 'we are our own people',
i want to.

2011-10-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

sometimes i guess its just too tiring;
i really wanna give up.
such a trying period and my results may never even show.

maybe i should save the hassle and retain after my results are out.

2011-10-24T10:54:00.001+08:00

ios 5 is cool.
so is the new blogger app. wheeee

2011-10-16T22:18:00.001+08:00

that's right,
superficial relationships are what i gained in JC.
hardly any real shit going on.
is this like 'high school' in america?
looks like it.
pretty pathetic transition from teenager to.... teenager.
well, it's almost over.
life will go on from here.
it will.

and then the real life will begin.

2011-10-09T23:56:00.001+08:00

well farewell assembly wasnt much i guess.
vjc had much in memories,
both good and bad,
and if i were to look back in the future,
i would hope to only remember the good memories,
and forget the bad, scarring ones.
much too late blogpost but well, worth posting anyway.

here comes the long journey.

losing my phone was stupid and careless.
really hope that doesnt happen ever again in my life.
and i need my precautions.

2011-10-07T17:43:00.002+08:00

dont really like copying by itself but this is exactly what is going on.

Same shit different situation.

I will understand. I must have that capacity to understand.

I don't even know what to expect in near future.

Does it matter whether I'm fighting this war alone? No it doesn't. Some of you guys out there are struggling to survive as well.

2011-10-06T19:24:00.001+08:00

please convince me that i dont have a shitty life.

please.

2011-10-04T21:56:00.002+08:00

things i really need.

practice,

content memorisation,

advice.

things i dont need:

talk,

'friends',

leisure.

sorry to say that im not going to care about all you 'almost-worth-caring-about' people out there.

it's time to be selfish and it's time to be selfish now,

if you're not happy about it then give me a holler and i'll reconsider.

to the class,

none ( or maybe a really small number ) of you will read this,

but you guys suck.

i dont like this involuntariness,

some of your childishness,

some of your insensitivity.

it already became clear long ago in your attitudes that study-wise you people aren't eager to help.

not even class participation.

self centered.

..why am i even pissing off now.

guess i just needed to say it during school time,

since school is ending and im not gonna see you guys again.

fucking nonsense.

dont even feel like going for prom.

sitting with class will be just a nightmare.

sigh.

2011-10-03T22:25:00.002+08:00

...

so im at the bottom 5% for bio.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

stfu because none of you will understand.

2011-10-03T00:36:00.002+08:00

so if you dont see any posts means there's nothing much to blog about.

aka blank mind blank mood blank spirit

2011-10-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

sorry for being MIA.

my mind and mood is too blank to write anything so i'll just address a random tweet.

well..

you dont get people because people are never the same.

sometimes they are,

when they make (mistakes) decisions again based on past inferences.

the rest of the time,

their human nature is just random and shet.

at least that's for me.

well okay failed blogpost.

just really blank mind to continue the days.

2011-09-28T22:46:00.000+08:00

it sucks to be the leader,

it sucks when your members are not active.

it is their fault that they do not volunteer to do it,

it would have been their fault if the task was not done.

but at the same time,

it would be the leader's fault if the leader doesn't push them to do it.

it would be the leader's fault if the task was not done.

the leader is the STR attribute;

the tank,

the face of the team.

without the leader,

there will be nothing accomplished.

so what pushes the leader to push the rest?

fear of nothing getting done?

motivation of getting things done?

the joy of pushing people? (for you scary people out there)

it's tough to push the rest when you do not identify what is pushing you.

2011-09-21T00:07:00.002+08:00

its a gamble of satisfaction.

i dont like this.

2011-09-19T23:52:00.001+08:00

i wanna be a kid again.

watch the classic lion king,

tom and jerry,

looney tunes,

alladin,

the king and i,

beauty and the beast..

nostalgic man.

i wanna be the little kid lying down on the sofa and falling asleep to the movie.

was it because i saw the kid on the bus after school.

he was like "hahaha and i pasted a scotchtape on his butt and he didnt notice the whole day ahha"

and his friend was so enthu also.

then when his friend dropped from the bus they all act cool and didnt look at each other and went "Bye."

hahahaha funny shet.

2011-09-19T10:32:00.002+08:00

seriously hooked to this song.

imba.

tried it yesterday and it was like..

totally doesnt sound like that at all.

sigh.

slowly!

2011-09-15T21:23:00.002+08:00

one post to dedicate this nice song too.

2011-09-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

Overthinking, paranoid whatever.

haha thats exactly how my friends see me now.

if not in a negative way i guess.

prelimprelimprelim.

could a dark sounding violin have been more suited for me?

hmm.

tough to be someone you aint.

was that what i have been doing throughout JC life?

and some of you maybe.

its replayable by the way. ;p

2011-09-13T23:52:00.004+08:00

new goal:

im going to fucking own all of you bitches out there who undermine me.

success shall be dependent on how much hate there is.

so im going to prolong this hate till A levels.